Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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