Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
