i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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