Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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