just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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