he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Floor bacon is actually really good
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
