There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
