Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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