I think I won the penis lottery.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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