me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
