Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
