More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
