Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
