Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
