I just saw a hot homeless man
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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