I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you told grandpa to call you daddy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
