I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
