Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
