Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
