i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
