If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize