So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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