remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
