Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
