I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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