i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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