i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
