I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
