I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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