Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize