I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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