I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I believe in your delicious
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
