First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
