That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
