Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
