Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
