like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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