Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
