i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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