Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
