Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
