I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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