Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she smelled like a LAN party
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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