so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
