if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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