is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
