She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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