So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
