high people should be assigned attendants
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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