who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You are the jesus of drinking
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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