If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
