I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize