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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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