dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
