it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
