Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
