I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
