I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
