I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
