Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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