Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
