Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize