Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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