plz talk dirty to me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
