This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My ATM looks so different sober.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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