He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
