So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
