Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
