I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Drunk is not a location!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
