You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
