i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
