I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
