Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
