Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
