I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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