u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
